And one to grow on...

I turned 32 on Saturday. Yay. My birthday used to be such a big deal to me. Now I sometimes forget that it's even coming, or I choose to forget. I probably would have forgotten if not for the fact that my entire family came in town. They said they were coming for my birthday; however, I'm pretty sure they only came to see the baby. She was passed around more in three days....they even argued over who got to hold her. Rotten. Needless to say, I did have a great birthday weekend and I felt pretty special considering the baby got all of the attention, which is fine by me these days. I even got to go to yoga on Saturday morning (a rare treat these days) and the entire class sang Happy Birthday to me.

I have always gotten a little sad when I spend a weekend or week with family and friends and then the time comes to an end. It's been worse since Mia has been born, but this time I didn't full on cry like I have the last few times. My emotions seem to be in check, although they still go haywire every now and then. I miss my family. I miss my friends. I wish my friends could get to know my daughter better. I wish our kids could grow up together and be buddies in school and stuff. I have two good friends who just had babies, too, and I'm sad that they won't grow up together, go to school together, be in each other's weddings, etc. And now I have made myself sad again. *Sigh*

Happy Independence Day???

I spent my Fourth of July attempting to get Mia to nap for more than 30 minutes at a time. Apparently, a baby's sleep cycle is only 30 - 45 minutes. She kept deciding that one cycle was enough for her. I had to put her in the swing to get her to sleep for longer than an hour. Lovely. She's also congested, which sucks. She sounds uncomfortable when she's moving around in her sleep. Yes, I go in several times a night and check on her. I'm neurotic. Anyway, I remember when making plans for the Fourth was such a big deal. This year, I never left the house. My, how my priorities have changed.

My mat

Sleep is essential. How come when I am having a good night's sleep, Mia wakes up at 12:30 and then again at 4:30 and then when she sleeps until 3:00 am, I lay in bed wide awake for most of the night? I am like a walking zombie today. I can't wait to go home, play with the little one, put her to bed, and then hit the hay myself. I am so looking forward to that moment.

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Most people know that I have been practicing yoga for over five years and it has become an integral part of my life. Since Mia has been born, getting to a yoga class has proven to be difficult. So when I started back to work, I started going to some noon classes that are close to the Law School. It's great to practice in the middle of the day. I can forget what I've been doing all day and not think about what I have to do for the rest of the day. It's a nice, needed break. Yesterday, I went to Jenn's yoga class at Dharma Yoga yesterday. The studio has moved into a new space on Guadalupe which is a hop, skip, and a jump away from work. I practiced with Jenn all throughout my pregnancy and she was so helpful. It's nice to get to take her class without my big belly in the way. Yesterday, before she started class, she said that she always wonders what brings people to their mats on any particular day. Lately, the thing that brings me to my mat is if I can actually get to a class, then I'm there! But the reality is that my mat is a place for me where I can truly be myself and not have to worry what other people think or say. My mat is one of the only places that I can honestly call my own. No one else can stake any kind of claim to it. My mat is my own personal space where no one can bother me with phone calls or emails. Basically, what brings me to my mat is that it is all mine and I feel good about that.

Growing? Teething? Adjusting?

Mia has started waking up twice in the middle of the night to eat. She had been waking up just once anywhere between 2:00 and 4:00 and then from between 6:00 and 8:00 for the day. The last two nights, she's woken at midnight and then at 4:00, but has gone back to sleep until 7:30 or 8:00. She also seems to be more restless at night. All of these things are signs of either a growth spurt or possibly teething, but she seems a little young for that. My coworker told me not to feed her. Okay. Someone posted on my Facebook page that she's waking because she knows I will come to her. The baby isn't even four months old. Am I supposed to ignore her? She takes a full bottle and goes right back to sleep, which pretty much tells me that she's hungry. I do let her cry herself to sleep sometimes, obviously going in to comfort her and check on her, so I definitely don't go to her every single time she cries when she's in bed. Needless to say, I'm tired today and I'm hoping that this will pass. My head knows that it will. It also knows that in a few months, I'll be having sleepless nights for some other reason.

Live in the Moment

I was told by an older and wiser friend once that there is no one way to mother. I try to continue to tell myself that as Mia gets older because there are so many things that I have said I will or won't do as a parent and countless things I have said I won't let my child do. I said a lot of these things before I actually had a daughter. It was so much easier back then, wasn't it? The scary part is that she's not even four months old! She's not even close to being able to understand right from wrong or what she should and shouldn't be doing. I am constantly thinking about the future when I need to be thinking about the present. For weeks, I stressed about transitioning Mia into her crib at night, and now she sleeps in there 10 - 12 hours a night. (She won't nap in her crib at the daycare, but that's another story.) I worried about how she would sleep unswaddled and then she just busted out of it one night and slept like a champ. I'm always worried about the next big thing with her, like I'm afraid she's going to roll over while she's sleeping and not be able to roll back. (She's a VERY active sleeper.) I'm dreading the first night that she's sick and up crying or teething and she can't sleep. I continue to worry about things that might or might not happen months down the road, when the reality is that she's perfect just the way she is right now at this very moment.

My Adventures in Motherhood...better late than never

Since I am not a scrapbooking kind of gal and can't see myself keeping a baby book, I've decided to start blogging about the newest chapter in my life, the chapter of motherhood. Granted, I am a little late since Mia is now 3 1/2 months old, but as the title of this first post states, "Better late than never."

These last three months have been somewhat of a whirlwind. Mia was born on March 15, 2009; however, we weren't expecting her until around April 15. Waking up in the middle of the night to my water, not just breaking, but gushing, came as quite a shock to both myself and to Cody. And then to discover she was breach and that I would need a C-section was also not in the plan. I hate it when things do not go according to my plan. I barely remember them bringing her to me after I got back to my hospital room. All I remember is trying to nurse and that she was having trouble latching, something that never really changed even when she was a month old. I remember people telling me to get some rest while I was in the hospital because I wouldn't be getting much once I got home. I wondered if those people had ever stayed in a hospital? It was loud; there was always some kind of nurse or doctor or hospital billing person in my room. I found the hospital exhausting with the exception of one day when I was alone and able to nap because I put the baby in the nursery.

Of course, the exhaustion didn't end when I left the hospital. Mia slept a lot...during the day. She would wake every 2 - 3 hours at night and then would be incredibly difficult to put back to sleep. People would say to me, "Enjoy this time. They grow up so fast!" Enjoy??? Really? I didn't enjoy much about the first two months of motherhood. I missed the way my life had been before, and I felt so guilty for feeling that way. (In fact, I still feel that way sometimes. No one told me that was going to happen.) I was incredibly emotional. I missed my family so much. It was a difficult time for me.

Since then, things have gotten much easier. Don't get me wrong, there are still challenges. She sleeps a lot better, although she still has some nights where she wakes up randomly (like last night). But her days and nights are definitely straight. She is so funny and makes me laugh all the time. I miss her during the day since I've gone back to work, but my job has allowed me to keep my sanity. So much has changed for Cody and me over the past three months, that it's almost hard to believe that the little baby in the picture actually is growing so fast! What an interesting journey this will be. Stay tuned...