Obsession

It's official. I have become obsessed with my daughter's sleeping. Here's the deal: she's not a bad sleeper at all. She goes down pretty easily and wakes once or twice a night to eat. But she was waking only once until about a week ago when she started waking twice. Cody gets up with her the first time but I simply can not go back to sleep. It doesn't help that I am congested and can't seem to shake it. I'll be breaking out the nettie pot tonight and should have been doing that all along. Anyway, I am constantly researching, reading, and doing whatever I can to try and figure things out. It's ridiculous. Why didn't anyone tell me that the sleeping part was so difficult. I just assumed that when she straightened out her nights and days, sleeping would just get easier.

There are so many things that people don't tell you before you have a child. Really, they just "forget." I find it annoying. I guess you forget because there's always something different happening with your child within a few months. I hope that I will soon be able to forget how sleep deprived I am. I often wonder if it's safe for me to do things, like drive. Seriously.

Krause Legs

Mia turned 4 months old yesterday. We spent her birthday at the pediatrician's office in the morning for her well checkup. She got shots. I hate it when she gets shots. The nurse says that it hurts the parents more than it hurts the babies. Yeah right. Anyway, she's a small baby, almost 13 pounds and only 23.5 inches long. She's in the 25th percentile for weight, which I'm fine with, but only the 10th percentile for heighth! I will not have a short child! I asked Cody if he thought she was going to have short, chunky legs and his response was, "Well, she is a Krause." We'll just have to put her in ballet class to lengthen those puppies.

And one to grow on...

I turned 32 on Saturday. Yay. My birthday used to be such a big deal to me. Now I sometimes forget that it's even coming, or I choose to forget. I probably would have forgotten if not for the fact that my entire family came in town. They said they were coming for my birthday; however, I'm pretty sure they only came to see the baby. She was passed around more in three days....they even argued over who got to hold her. Rotten. Needless to say, I did have a great birthday weekend and I felt pretty special considering the baby got all of the attention, which is fine by me these days. I even got to go to yoga on Saturday morning (a rare treat these days) and the entire class sang Happy Birthday to me.

I have always gotten a little sad when I spend a weekend or week with family and friends and then the time comes to an end. It's been worse since Mia has been born, but this time I didn't full on cry like I have the last few times. My emotions seem to be in check, although they still go haywire every now and then. I miss my family. I miss my friends. I wish my friends could get to know my daughter better. I wish our kids could grow up together and be buddies in school and stuff. I have two good friends who just had babies, too, and I'm sad that they won't grow up together, go to school together, be in each other's weddings, etc. And now I have made myself sad again. *Sigh*

Happy Independence Day???

I spent my Fourth of July attempting to get Mia to nap for more than 30 minutes at a time. Apparently, a baby's sleep cycle is only 30 - 45 minutes. She kept deciding that one cycle was enough for her. I had to put her in the swing to get her to sleep for longer than an hour. Lovely. She's also congested, which sucks. She sounds uncomfortable when she's moving around in her sleep. Yes, I go in several times a night and check on her. I'm neurotic. Anyway, I remember when making plans for the Fourth was such a big deal. This year, I never left the house. My, how my priorities have changed.

My mat

Sleep is essential. How come when I am having a good night's sleep, Mia wakes up at 12:30 and then again at 4:30 and then when she sleeps until 3:00 am, I lay in bed wide awake for most of the night? I am like a walking zombie today. I can't wait to go home, play with the little one, put her to bed, and then hit the hay myself. I am so looking forward to that moment.

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Most people know that I have been practicing yoga for over five years and it has become an integral part of my life. Since Mia has been born, getting to a yoga class has proven to be difficult. So when I started back to work, I started going to some noon classes that are close to the Law School. It's great to practice in the middle of the day. I can forget what I've been doing all day and not think about what I have to do for the rest of the day. It's a nice, needed break. Yesterday, I went to Jenn's yoga class at Dharma Yoga yesterday. The studio has moved into a new space on Guadalupe which is a hop, skip, and a jump away from work. I practiced with Jenn all throughout my pregnancy and she was so helpful. It's nice to get to take her class without my big belly in the way. Yesterday, before she started class, she said that she always wonders what brings people to their mats on any particular day. Lately, the thing that brings me to my mat is if I can actually get to a class, then I'm there! But the reality is that my mat is a place for me where I can truly be myself and not have to worry what other people think or say. My mat is one of the only places that I can honestly call my own. No one else can stake any kind of claim to it. My mat is my own personal space where no one can bother me with phone calls or emails. Basically, what brings me to my mat is that it is all mine and I feel good about that.

Growing? Teething? Adjusting?

Mia has started waking up twice in the middle of the night to eat. She had been waking up just once anywhere between 2:00 and 4:00 and then from between 6:00 and 8:00 for the day. The last two nights, she's woken at midnight and then at 4:00, but has gone back to sleep until 7:30 or 8:00. She also seems to be more restless at night. All of these things are signs of either a growth spurt or possibly teething, but she seems a little young for that. My coworker told me not to feed her. Okay. Someone posted on my Facebook page that she's waking because she knows I will come to her. The baby isn't even four months old. Am I supposed to ignore her? She takes a full bottle and goes right back to sleep, which pretty much tells me that she's hungry. I do let her cry herself to sleep sometimes, obviously going in to comfort her and check on her, so I definitely don't go to her every single time she cries when she's in bed. Needless to say, I'm tired today and I'm hoping that this will pass. My head knows that it will. It also knows that in a few months, I'll be having sleepless nights for some other reason.

Live in the Moment

I was told by an older and wiser friend once that there is no one way to mother. I try to continue to tell myself that as Mia gets older because there are so many things that I have said I will or won't do as a parent and countless things I have said I won't let my child do. I said a lot of these things before I actually had a daughter. It was so much easier back then, wasn't it? The scary part is that she's not even four months old! She's not even close to being able to understand right from wrong or what she should and shouldn't be doing. I am constantly thinking about the future when I need to be thinking about the present. For weeks, I stressed about transitioning Mia into her crib at night, and now she sleeps in there 10 - 12 hours a night. (She won't nap in her crib at the daycare, but that's another story.) I worried about how she would sleep unswaddled and then she just busted out of it one night and slept like a champ. I'm always worried about the next big thing with her, like I'm afraid she's going to roll over while she's sleeping and not be able to roll back. (She's a VERY active sleeper.) I'm dreading the first night that she's sick and up crying or teething and she can't sleep. I continue to worry about things that might or might not happen months down the road, when the reality is that she's perfect just the way she is right now at this very moment.